Feel of the Day.105

Okay, so here's the snitch. I kinda feel betrayed? well that's kinda over exaggerating, it's actually nowhere that. It's me. It's all about what we expect/plan versus reality. And at this point in time, what i feel is that emmence sourness in my heart, and the funny thing is, it's actually no one's fault. It's all got to do with my own expectation and what really happened. What "really happened" is actually alright, it's legit and alll gdddd. But me, at that moment of finding out "what really happend" isn't "what i plan", a tsunami began to start within my heart, and boooom, before thinking rationally, my heart sank. BUT, it's MY FAULT for not thinking rationally first, and not considering why "what really happened" happened. ohemgee, i feel like a chick. ahha. But i guess im feeling this way because i really care about the situation and the person. Plus i was gonna do something special on this occasion too, so i looked at the situation too seriously. Again, it's me, not anyone else's fault.

I hate feeling like this. Why can't i be more chinchai? and not soooo emotionalllll. (especially after exams// it's like this, during exams, my body and mind gears up and adapts for exams, but right after exams, when the adaptation is no longer needed, my mind goes into a storm and slowly de-adapts. During the deadaptation process, the "adapted elements" is like reactive oxygen species if u like, it needs to react with something, and that's when my emotions come into play. These past few days i've been feeling like shit. Didn't even enjoy my the day of my birthday. seee, i really am a chick inside me.

Anyways, i need to learn to not allow my emotions fool and control my actions. I need to stay calm and even when what i planned didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be, i needa chill, because it's not only affecting me, but others too. I need to be less selfish in things like this. If this was a test, i've failed it miserably. haiiiii MAN UP DUDEEEE; QUIT BEING A PUSSY (my physics teacher in VCE actually said the second part of the sentence to me, true story. haha)

Anywho, needa crash now, needa be awake tmr, goodnightworld.

alvin.k