Feel of the Day.45

Feeling : sub-sub-sub-sub optimal

It's the mole again. You know sometimes ppl just don't feel up to it. It's hard to be, wait lemme rephrase that, it's hard to appear to be optimal all the time..it just is. Sometimes we just don't wana walk and sometimes we wana show some attitude. you do it too! yes i'm talking to you mole! But i know i am at fault too. I've been taught in school that i should always be grateful in everything i do, as the chinese proverb goes "remember the stream from which you drink" (i can't seem to type chinese here, oh well..). And so i have decided to look at the situation at a different angle. I will be grateful for the kindness that has been showered upon me over the years and i will be thankful for the provision that has been provided for me. I should. Now i may be coming off as sarcastic, but i'm not, i have been blessed with so many things and i should be grateful. The very least i can do is be grateful, and that's what i plan to do. I will be grateful. In times when i wana explode into a million pieces and then explode again to a gazillion pieces, i will remember this "remember the stream from which you drink". and i will calm down, i have to and i will.

Right now in my mind, a song is playing on the background, with the lyrics going "you can't always get what you want"...."you get what you need". It's an old classic by the Rolling Stones. Those words are very true, the fact that i am alive typing right now means that i get what i need. but i can't always get what i want. i don't get what i want, often. Lemme paint you a picture, you're a fish, and you have your fish friends, and y'all live in the same pond/river. The pond/river is full of supplements/nutrients/food, but not all fishes get the same amount, however all get enough to survive, some get more than others. There's a particular fish, we'll call him nivla. He gets enough to survive, but he wants more. He sees all his friends getting MORE and MORE and MORE. and it pains him. No matter how much nivla wants it, he doesn't get it, but he gets enough to live, to survive, to feel jealous. I feel for that fish. But one day, perhaps, nivla will be able to get a taste of "extra-ness". He hopes that he can. and i hope that he can too. You know what makes it worse ? If another fish friend comes along and say "hey nivla, how's it goin? you wana go get some microorganism smoothie ?", nivla obviously wants a microorganism smoothie, who wouldn't, however he can't, he just can't, so he passes the offer. Now imagine this particular situation, but magnified across the entire year. Now imagine how nivla feels. Do you feel what nivla feels ? i do.

I shall stop blabbering now. Thanks for reading :)

alvin.k